There are days when fatherhood or motherhood overcome. She becomes unsympathetic and turns into an awkward snowball that keeps growing and weighing. Moments in which many parents despair because they feel incapable of educating from calm, serenity and empathy. A profession complex that exhausts, despairs and, on many occasions, encourages the worst version of oneself to be shown, normalizing a bad mood, extreme fatigue or the use of shouting and bad responses on a daily basis. The senseless punishments, threats and reproaches that damage the self-esteem of children so much.
Paternity and maternity is one of the most intense experiences in life, in every way. If there is a job difficult to exercise in our society is to be a father or mother; the only one in the world in which you are first awarded the title and then you have to complete a long distance race between setbacks and thousands of lessons. A job that challenges you daily and takes you out of your comfort zone.
Often, advertisements, social media or the movies have sold us an image of motherhood and fatherhood that has nothing to do with reality. Accompanying, caring for and educating a child is an arduous task full of setbacks. The current parents have little time to educate their children from reflection and tranquility. They live hastily, intertwining tasks, with many difficulties to reconcile personal and work life. This often makes them educate from impatience, solving the obstacles that arise daily in a hurry, trying to find quick solutions without thinking too much about whether they are coherent or not. How easy it is when everything is going well and the children comply with the rules, they are affectionate and responsible with their tasks. But when they have tantrums or break the limits, things get enormously complicated.
Although it is complicated, parents should be able to experience maternity or paternity from a much more positive perspective. Like a path full of first times, where long-term goals are achieved with large doses of serenity and confidence. Eliminating the fears and the feeling of guilt that often accompany them. A journey in which there are no shortcuts or magic formulas that ensure success, but ingredients that combined in the right measure can greatly facilitate the task of educating.
Children don’t need to have perfect parents because they aren’t perfect either. Parents do the best they can or know how to at all times, based on their beliefs, values and experiences. What a minor does need is to feel that his parents look at him with affection, care about him and love him as he is without excuses or conditions. They educate you and accompany you through connection and example without always having to resort to anger, shouting or threats. That they connect with his needs without questioning his emotions, they try to respond to his needs and they set limits that protect him. Because the most important thing when educating children is to be present and available in their lives, accompanying them with empathy and sharing their challenges. Offering them the time and attachment they need to learn without fear of making mistakes.
In order to enjoy maternity and paternity, parents should not forget four basic things:
- That there are many ways to feel and carry out the job to educate and a million different formulas to be a good mother or a good father. Each person must find the educational style with which they feel most identified and secure, always making sure that it is based on unconditional love, affection and respect.
- In the art of educating there is no magical method that indicates what we should or should not do at all times. So it will be time to be patient, trust your intuition, set realistic long-term goals, learn from experience and trial-error.
- You should never act based on your mood. The rules at home should always be the same, regardless of the day we have had at work or the worries that we cannot solve. Disparity between the two parents should be avoided and act coherently between words and actions.
- It is much easier to educate if you have a tribe around you that you can lean on and share your doubts, worries and achievements with. With which you can vent when things get tough and ask for help when you need it. Also celebrate everything that goes well.
Time flies by and children grow at a great speed. Fathers and mothers must manage to leave a mark on minors that comforts them, that makes them feel loved and special. That makes them feel that they live in a warm home that protects them. As the American professor Howard G. Hendricks used to say. “The teaching that leaves a mark is not the one that is done from head to head, but from heart to heart.”
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